Jesus little bride

The first time I heard about You, really heard about You, I fell.
I was just a wee little girl, barely eight or nine years old but I knew
I knew I wanted You in my life. It had to be You, undebatable!
As a little girl, it was quite overwhelming to deal with the rush of love
So I decided, Yes! that I was going to marry You immediately.
With my mind made up, I set out to look for You, to meet You
Hoping that when I do, I could persuade You to feel the same way
So we both can get married and play with my tiny little dolls
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed too

Those days, I would lie down, lost in deep thoughts under my bedframe
No, not hiding away in fear, but wanting to unravel the mystery of You
Puzzled that just one person could heal the lame, blind and raise the dead!
Yearning to hear your voice, thirsting to catch a glimpse of You
Thinking I could hear You if I am alone, where there are no noises;
Thinking the howling wind was You trying to say something
But all I heard were the noises in my head, the sounds of my breath;
I strained to hear a sound like that of many waters, then I gave up.
I thought that was it! Only angels can hear God and the “Bible people”
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed too

I was puzzled. I wanted to unravel the mystery of You.

Time went by, slowly. I was still trying to know You, meet You
I was about eleven years old then, growing in Your presence
Some told me, “He is Spirit sweetheart, invisible to the naked eyes”
But I remained frustrated that I could not see You; I wondered
If You were near me or if You were in Heaven, watching me
If I am as big as if I was in front of You, or if I am as small as a pea;
I wondered whether You could get to me fast enough if I called
For in my little mind, I saw the distance from heaven to earth,
Then I multiplied it by a trillion, and another few centillion;
Surely that distance was too mcuh for anyone to be here in a split second
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed

Back then, in my little town, Ondo, I would walk up the hills alone
I was barely twelve years of age then, maturing faster than my age
I would get to the topmost part of the hill, surrounded only by nature
Thank God now I never ran into serial killers or deranged farmers
I would gaze intently into the skies, searching the clouds
Telling myself that one of the shapes that I see could be You;
Sometimes hoping an angel will drop by with a message just for me
Dressed in a long white robe, gold belt and with fire shining in his eyes
But all I saw were the birds, little insects and small rodents
Scurrying away to hide lest they become my next meal, as if….
I had to run once though, when I saw a green snake glide past
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed too.

I would look for You in the skies, hoping to catch a glimpse of You

Teenage years set in and came with a fever of peer pressure,
I thought of you still, keenly, really, but I struggled to love you
I was attracted to the glamour, the reputation of being “cool”
I made up several excuses for my waning interest and love
Most people in my life told me to give up the concept of You,
They called my love for You ‘spiritual jargon’, ‘mindless brainwashing’
Some said You do not exist, that God is a myth as old as time and rhyme
All around me, the ones I looked up to, to guide me, to explain You
Were too busy judging me, telling me everything I did was a sin
I started to withdraw from You, then started to give up on You
A part of me still loved You, A deep part still held on to You; in secret
I had the best of both worlds; I love God and I am a “cool” babe too
I am laughing at myself now, I bet you laughed too

I was now a young adult, having real life problems, I needed You
But I considered how the people in the world, all of us clamoring for You
Different faces, names, needs, tribes, people, races and social class
I wondered if You would hear me when I pray to You in my little voice
Amongst the multitude of prayers directed towards the heavens
I wondered if You saw me clamoring alongside every other person
Then I concluded You are too busy for me anyway, we were too many
I thought You would not notice if I stop trying, You never had
I thought You had priority clients, the “Big men of God” on TV
I went back to the Law and believed in the time of Prophets
I believed that You would not answer me without a prophet, or pastor
So why bother to pray, why bother to praise, why bother to ask
It was easier to fix the puzzles myself, to fight my way through life
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed too

Suddenly, I began to realise whenever You are around me
I cannot put a finger to when exactly it happened, But it did
The first inkling is that feeling of love, just like a warm embrace
This overwhelming feeling of love surely is not natural….
Why does it feel so right? Why do I struggle to describe it?
Is this Agape? Why does it make me cry? What is this overflowing joy?
Why is it so overwhelming that my jaws clench and my heart constrict?
Why does it make me want to give so much love back to the whole world?
This feeling of peace, where is taking me to? What do I not see or know?
Why do I feel like I am a missing rib or something greater than the earth?
Then I realized! You were channeling Your love for the World through me!
The peace I felt was Your presence, the joy I felt was Your warm embrace
The hunger I felt was Your calling, an invitation to Your chambers!
You were practically living in me, all the while I was looking for you!
I am laughing at myself now, I bet You laughed too

Father of mine, the God of my salvation, my light, lover of my soul
The little girl in me acknowledges your power and presence now
Now I know; I know You heard me, You loved me and You saw me;
Distance could not have kept you, You never were apart from me
You were with me on the cold floor under my bed; speaking to me;
You were with me on that hilltop, and on the path to the hill;
You loved me, looked for me and found me first, long before I was nine
You did journey more than a centillion miles to become flesh for me
Thousand of years before I was conceived, before I was born
You laid down your life for me, became curse for me, delivered me
Then you went back to Heaven to sit at the right hand of God,
You sent the Holy Spirit to me, connecting me back to the Father
You are real, not jargon, not mindless brainwashing, You are Truth.
Most importantly, I know now that I am actually Your Bride…
(the marriage supper loading…)

5 Comments

  1. Olabisi Agbogunleri

    Reply

    This wasn’t meant to make me cry but am tearing anyway. I can imagine God’s love and nearness when we think we are alone by ourselves.

    This is a very deep write up. Of God’s love, for loving you first and his patience in love

    Keep up the faith sis.

  2. Reply

    This is deep…I practically followed you to the hilltop while reading this…God’s love is still a mystery…His ‘dread’ is easier to accept…or maybe it’s just how He’s been introduced…But your write up makes His love palpable…

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